This one goes out to my girl.
When I got the news that you went to heaven, my heart was broken. I literally felt like someone had shattered it into a million pieces. Thinking about what life will be like without you tore me apart. I've experienced death before, but yours has been the hardest by far.
Today was the day you were laid to rest and I've been doing a lot of thinking. Life is weird. I don't understand it, don't know that I ever will.
A few weeks back, I came to visit you and looking back, that will be a visit that changed my whole life. You were more sick than I've ever seen you but your spirit wasn't. The conversation was awesome and I don't think I've ever smiled as much as I did that day.
I remember you talking about making goals for yourself so you would have something to get better for and something to work towards, and I gave you a pretty good one; being a bridesmaid for me. A while back I had worked on a list of who would be the chosen one's, if you will :) and you were on the top of my list. I couldn't imagine marrying the man of my dreams without you standing by my side. I'll still have you by my side, but it will just be different. I get to have a guardian angel bridesmaid. How badass? I'm so glad I got the opportunity to ask you in person, because that would have been my biggest regret, hands down.
Nothing can fill the hole in my heart that I have now. Nobody can fill it, and nobody can replace you. You have taught me so much about life, and my own life personally. Although I am struggling with this and expecting to see your name pop up on my phone right now with a funny text or tweet, I find comfort in a lot of things. The fact that I have no regret. I told you how I felt about you, I always let you know what you meant to me, I didn't hold back from loving you and letting my guard down with you. I just wanna call you, text you, hear your voice, give you one last hug (which by the way, you give the best), and see your smile one more time, but I know that's not possible. I have memories, photos, texts, voicemails, and lessons that you've left me with.
You've taught me to love and be free. You taught me to not have fear about the future and to find humor in E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. For that, I can't thank you enough. You are hands down the strongest girl I know. You were sick almost your whole life and I never looked at you as a 'sick' girl. You've accomplished more in your 25 years then most would in a lifetime. I know you'll be with me now and in the future when I need a hand. Don't worry girl, I'm going to do something just perfect for you real soon. I might be in trouble with Scott and Joleen though....but you'll deal with them, right?
My world got a little dimmer today, but I won't let it define me. I have been so blessed with having you the last 5 years, I wouldn't want to be selfish and take that for granted. I love you, I miss you, you will always be a part of my life and I will never stop thinking of you. Until we meet again.
