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You may recall a crazy story I once told about my $3,000 armpit. Okay, maybe I've told a few crazy stories in my time but this one is just nutty. If you aren't familiar, please read up.
Any-who, I've been going to a few different doctors pretty frequently to finally get some answers about this mass in my armpit, in which I'm excited to announce this year I finally found my answer. I told 2014 I was going to make it my bitch, psssh.
The first doctor I visited with was a general surgeon and he scheduled yet another ultra sound. Keep in mind this was the same doctor that told me this mass was a lymph node from my tattoo years ago. After digging a little deeper he informed me that the lymph node that was swollen in my armpit in the previous years showed no signs on the ultrasound this time around. So what was this mass in my armpit you wonder? Drum roll please.......Breast tissue. You read that right, an extra boob.
WTF.
Ya, that's what I said. If this is too much detail you can go ahead and click that little exit button at the top of your window. Moving right along. As of lately, I started noticing that this mass would swell up and be extremely painful once a month (if you catch my drift). According to this doctor, that apparently was the golden ticket. Even though I felt relief of FINALLY finding out some answers, I was still scared and had 100 questions. Do I have to live with this for the rest of my life? Will surgery be the next step? Will it come back? More importantly, how exactly does this even happen, is it my fault?
I started in with the questions. I was set on getting this thing out of me, and moving on with my life. It literally effects a lot of my day to day life. It hurts to sleep on my side, if I wear clothing that rubs up against it, it hurts, I can't wear a 'normal' bra (no I don't free ball, btw), so there was no other option for me. After I asked about getting it removed this doctor was adimit against it, and I trusted him. He said the risk for infection was high, and I would be out for a number of weeks because of the sensitivity of the armpit area. But I couldn't help but leave this appointment disappointed. So I decided to seek out and schedule a second opinion.
In the next following months, an appointment was fast approaching with another doctor that my family doctor had recommended for me, but I was nervous. He was a plastic surgeon. Once I got to the appointment though, I felt more excited about the possibility of this being my answer. The doctor was amazing, made me feel super comfortable, and excited. He confirmed he thought it was breast tissue but there's no way of being 100% unless it was removed and tested. After I expressed my concerns for the limitations I felt like this thing was putting on my life, he suggested surgery. He felt very confident that I won't get infection and with the right amount of TLC, I should be up and running in no time. So surgery is set for the middle of May! For those of you who are wondering, when this third boob is removed, it's already spoken for. You'll have to fight my sister on that one. Surgery should last an hour, but I'll be there laid up for a few more than that, the scaring should be minimal, and I should be back to my normal self in no time, thanks to my friend Vicodin. Now if I could only convince Orange is the New Black to move their season 2 release date up to May that would be the cats meow......anyone have any connections?
Overall I'm happy with the results and what's to come. Obviously the road getting here wasn't that fun, but it was all worth it. I'm excited to get this thing removed, and live my life like a normal person and not have to live with the pain anymore. It's still the weirdest thing to date I've ever heard of and at first was embarrassed to tell people, but hey, I'm gonna let my freak flag fly on this one because I'm more different this way, I guess? So let me ask, has anyone ever heard of this before, or better yet had this procedure done? I've heard it only happens to a small percentage of women...GO ME?!
